So, I was going through my Gmail at work today and decided to delete everything I could search through.
I deleted over 10,000 emails and I still have 6,500 left. I am an email hoarder. (Seriously, why did I keep all my MySpace friend requests?)
In deleting these emails, though, I got a real sense of the last 9 years of my life and a recurring theme I saw: loss and the end of things I held dear at some point.
A lot of them were bands (The Format) or places (Hoodlums) that meant a lot to me.
And I did find a lot of emails from past relationships that I thought I had deleted. I did decide to read them before deleting them. Oof. Man, I have been with the shittiest of women. No lies there. But reading through (and deleting) those emails I got one thing I was searching for: Closure.
Closure for everything. The loss of bands that will never come back, for people I will never see and the places that will never exist ever again both physical and spiritual.
Closure is growth for me. I wish I could grow more though.
A friend of mine reblogged a quote: “If you’re not losing friends then you’re not growing up.” How true is that. Maybe I should keep growing.